I went to the local library's monthly booksale , fill a bag for £1.50 , or is it £2 now , in any case it's well worth it , I came back with some good reference books , including about DIY and gardening , and the 2003 'rough guide's' to New Zealand and Switzerland , and the 2006 DK guide to New York , which I'd still love to visit though I  may not , some novels that my Mum might like to read , and  'The Mars Mysteries' by Graham Hancock , Robert Bauval and John Grigsby which is probably a good read however implausible , and a book about how to find and form relationships with compatable women , written by a man , who states that male fear and low self esteem are 'qualities' which women find " grossly unattractive " .
A bit of a rash generalisation though something in that I suspect .
My self esteem is'nt too bad but I tend to initially lack social confidence with people I do'nt know , and , yes I would much prefer to be with a lovely woman partner than home alone , especially in the evenings and through the night , but changing my life in that way  seems challengingly  risky though I know I should at least make more of an effort to chat with people who I meet ,  to smile and establish eye contact , and not to maintain some stupidly defeatist approach to life , for the sake of the present and future  of my ageing self , and because I have so much that's positive to give .
I'd  no doubt have dozens of girlfriends if I were a loud , brash , 'hard bastard' , but I have no wish whatever to be or  pretend to be that  .