I really do'nt like the Grand National - Though I once did .
But , like Christmas , I find it impossible not  to become involved  .
My first ever bet was on the 1982 'National winner . I also backed the winner about ten years later , but never since .
I know that some big gambles on 'National runners  do pay off , though inevitably most do'nt , and I just do'nt like jump racing much in general - There's the danger to the horses ( and jockeys ) , and just that it's generally more muddling and messy than flat racing , to me anyway .
It's bad enough watching a race not knowing if your selection is going to be fast enough on the day , but with added to that the worry that it might fall , or get brought down by another horse falling , and that any of the horses ( or jockeys ) could be injured perhaps fatally , I do'nt regard jump racing as being much fun to take an interest in .
I never 'fancied' the favourite , or Hedgehunter , and I unfortunately allowed myself to be swayed against the winning second-favourite by opinions expressed in a video preview of the race on racingpost.co.uk , with professional punter Dave Nevison and two other experts .
Interestingly , Dave Nevison says  in his book that he thinks there's more dodgy 'fixed' races in flat racing than N.H .
He also says in it that to be a winner you have to feel like a winner ; If you half-heartedly have a bet not expecting to win then it's most unlikely that you will .
I was so exasperated this morning by being unable to get  a bet on using my BlueSquare account , because so many people accessing it was causing problems with the site . In the end I 'phoned them and put on  my each-way bet , on a horse that was well in contention for the first three quarters of the race before tamely fading away under the burden of having to carry too much weight .
I'm cursed with a sensitive stomach , which is aching now as a result of my frustration at initially not being able to place the losing bet this morning .
And the bbc tv pre-race coverage was seriously pi---ng me me off by their playing that damn music , from the film about the 1981 winning jockey Bob Champion , nearly all the time .
I used to like that music , and look forward to and even feel a bit sentimental about the 'National , but now it just reminds me of watching it alone in a grotty cold flat in the late 80's .
I know that I can do okay  out of betting if I follow certain rules , which would include avoiding competetive , large-field handicaps especially the 'National , which is traditionally a lucky race for some though not for me ,
and normally I like favourites and second-favourites , but I'm naturally suspicious of them in that race .
Not that I lost a lot today , I did'nt , but for various reasons I'm not feeling so good right now .