Someone texted to Radio5live this morning the comment that Social Workers do'nt 'play god' , so far as they're concerned they Are God .

Uniting Nations , (c) Gut Records Limited , 2004 ;
Reminds me of about two years ago .
And , I never knew it was a Darryl Hall and John Oates song , ?
(click twice on play to hear)

I'm watching the bbc2 programme 'wonderland : virtual adultery and cyberspace love' ,  free publicity  for the 'second-life' fantasy 'virtual' site , for lost and lonely or otherwise unfulfilled fantasists , about a married american woman who finally meets  her  'avatar'/'virtual lover' , of ten months , in reality , in London , which predictably does'nt fulfill her romantic dreams and she goes back to her husband  ;  I can see how seductive secondlife and similar sites must be , though I'm cynical enough about  'dating'  sites , and I'll not be joining the perfect ' virtual ' fantasy world ; I'll keep my fantasies to myself  and continue to hope for real 'face to face' contact , which I do'nt expect to all  be 'romantically' perfect .
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We're potentially all being spied upon every day : not my 'loony' 'conspiracy theory' but according to an official UK government report ,  by Interception of Communications Commissioner Sir Paul Kennedy . . .
Bugging operations in the UK are being instigated at a rate of nearly 1000 per day .
Thirty or so years ago if your 'phone was being 'tapped' chances are you'd have heard a 'tapping' sound in the background . . .
Nowadays , the interception of our landline and mobile calls and computer usage is simple , routine , legal and very easy for whichever intelligence , police or government agency may have any interest in us or in who we may be in contact with .
All ISP's ( internet service providers ) have to have 'black boxes' integrated into their systems which copy all of all of our internet usage which is then instantly available to Mi5 , Mi6 , the police etc. , should they have any interest in us and I think  that the use of certain 'key words' , online or  in 'phone calls automatically flags that communication to the 'security services ' .
Why is it that whilst data from 'bugging devices' , which can be legally installed into anyones home or workplace is allowable in court , yet 'phone-tap' evidence is not , in this country , though it is in most others ?
Is that because our government do'nt want us to know how widespread the security-services interception of our supposedly private communications  is ?
And is the highly sophisticated network of interception , combined with  its stringent immigration controls the reason why there's been no successful terror-attack in the USA  since 2001 ?  (Which ( 9-11) was I think deliberately allowed to happen . . )

A bloodthirsty Count Dracula exclaimed ferociously , grimacing horribly : " I joyously kill luscious mermaids , nymphs or peasants - Quite Refreshing - So There ! " . Usually vampires will x-ray young zombies .

Arthur , being courageously  daunting , exclaimed  frenetically : " Good Heavens , I just knighted Lancelot ! "  Merlin's noble oration praised quietness , reserve , sobriety ; The usual verses would xerox your zodiac .

They ( almost ) all come unstuck by the end .
Can you do better - I'm sure you can ,
If you can be bothered with such silliness , though it's also sort  of creative and fun . .

The debate on my friends weblog which I referred to here yesterday was / is  such a good one and I think that two participants softened and modified their position in response to what others had said which is what good debating is all about . .
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I had to go to rather dull lowestoft this afternoon ; I had a bet on a 6/1 winner  though only  £7 on it , and , queueing for the bus home , a dark skinned lady standing in front  of me was holding a baby girl against her shoulder ; the tiny girl looked at me and I looked into her eyes trying to communicate positive vibes and thoughts , her face lit up and she smiled , and , oh , maybe I should be brave enough to look and smile at some other adults like that , and then say to them  . . .    err    . . .
Well I have  a lot of positive things to give and I really ought to try harder to connect with some people - okay , women of 20something to 40ishsomething  especially - , and to try to forget any shyness or fear of rejection . .
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I've no idea if this is already 'in the public domain' but I heard , on what I think is good authority that Johnny Depp was in this town looking at houses to buy about a couple of weeks ago . . .
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Earlier I told my Mum something of excerpts I'd read in the 'Mail from a forthcoming book by a young woman who was for many years tormented /
tortured by her 'Jehovah's Witness' foster Mother , as were other children fostered by that woman who is now in prison . . .
My Mum said she thinks that the woman being a 'Jehova's Witness ' is incidental to that ; I responded that her outwardly presenting herself as a 'good' religious  woman whilst inflicting sickening depravaties in private is I think a further aggravating factor in an already horrifying case . . .
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Anyway enough of the depressing stuff and , have a good rest of the week , everyone . . 
(re. section 2 paragraph 2 ,  I meant  20something to 40 - 50ish , but basically anyone I feel drawn to 'as a person' )

Today I watched another dvd I bought in the play.com sale , the Australian movie Irresistable , starring Susan Sarandon , Sam Neill and Emily Blunt , written and directed by Ann Turner , which is very good indeed , and if you liked  Lantana , another Australian film , you'll like Irresistible too .
If you've not heard of either movie it's because they're Australian , not American , and plenty of average or worse Hollywood movies get  so much more publicity and attention .
It's a well acted ,  intelligently realised ,  slow-burningly suspenseful drama with a thrilling climax and poignant ending ,  and it all  makes sense !
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Today I've been part of a possibly ongoing debate on my friend muslimdilema's 'blog : If you want to look at it , she's on my friends list and it's in response to her post 'hatred' .

The internet : a menacing misalignment of suicide ,  terrorism   and pro-anorexia advice,  a paedophiles paradise that also graphically glamourises every other deviation you'd ever thought of and plenty that you would'nt want to know existed ,  a delicious pleasuredome for malicious virus-writers  and prurient or thieving  'hacking' morons , and a pointless escapist playground for lost and lonely fantasists . .  
And a great way of staying in touch with old friends and finding new ones , shopping without queues , and browsing or researching whether for  informative or entertainment purposes . . .
When I first bought a pc , in late 2001 I did'nt have a clue , and unwittingly set myself up for thousands of hacking attempts , by naively clicking on trojan programs sent to me in dodgy emails , though unluckily for them no one suceeded in stealing from me or my bank .
Some people who access the internet from their pc's , or allow their children to are naive and , come on , everyone needs updative  anti-virus And  firewall software , do'nt they . . . ?
And I do'nt  mind looking up stuff for people who have their own home-internet connection but  do'nt have a clue .  I've still never learnt to 'cut and paste' , though .
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I did'nt much enjoy 'The Skeleton Key' which I watched the dvd of last night , that I'd bought in the play.com sale : A really good idea for a suspensefully scary movie , but which   just does'nt work very well , unfortunately .
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My visitor - statistics , which for my first few months here I took no notice of  have  dipped since I again wrote about anomalies in the official version of the death of diana and dodi , the other day , so , should I be true to my considered beliefs and leave it there , or a slave to the ego-boost of good audience figures and delete that , so I can't be dismissed as 'one of those' weirdo  ' conspiracy theory ' nutters  .  .  .

Common themes of my dreams :
1 )  I'm walking along and have only to slightly jump into the air to be able to move along , above the ground at will , sometimes a few inches above , sometimes much more than that , but if I lose concentration I begin to float back down ; Sometimes this is incorporated into dreams of
2 ) Adventure : Some exciting adventure in which I somehow know I'm in no real danger , like watching a movie whilst being in it .
3 ) Being self-consciously partially naked and / or unshaven , hair uncombed etc . in situations where that's not appropiate .
4 ) Walking through a high street in the night , finding a shop that's accidentally been left unlocked .
Also anxiety dreams , and ones of being persecuted .
And erotic dreams , that I'll not go into here . And occasional  nice , calm , happy , wish-fulfillment dreams .
- What are the commonest themes of your dreams ?
(and feel free to analyse mine if you so wish !)

I virtually never buy 'the sun' but do look at their website from time to time : Their front page splash today concerns a 22 year old hairdresser , Aimee Walton , who accepted free drinks from footballer Ashley Cole in his VIP lounge at a nightclub , then went off to a hotel with him in another girls car in which Cole was sick in . He then told the girl that she should feel priviliged that he vomitted in her car .
Cole and Miss Walton  began having sex in his hotel room , interrupted by his being sick on the carpet .
Then they resumed but were then interrupted by his 'mates' barging into the room . After getting rid of them they resumed again .
She knew who he was and that he's married to some singer called Cheryl : He told her that Cheryl  knows he 'picks up' other women and that she does'nt mind , but that she must not  find out .
So Aimee sells her exclusive story to The Sun , no doubt for a substantial amount of money , justifying that by her moral outrage at Cole having 'cheated on' his wife - with her - and by saying she wants Cheryl to know what her husband is really like .
Ashley Cole and Cheryl were paid £1.5M , yes , one and a half million pounds for their exclusive wedding photographs by OK magazine .
He has received an estimated half a million pounds for the publishing rights to his autobiography .
It could'nt be much more sordid and tacky than that could it ; a 'parable of our times' in which no one emerges with any honour . . .
But then he's a premier-league footballer so can do as he likes , and alcohol was involved which excuses almost anything of course ( not ) .
I have no moral disapproval of who ( lawfully ) has sex with who but , oh , what a shabby little tale that seems somehow to epitomise something about  contemporary Britain . .

Can someone born as a man or woman really 'change gender ' by surgical intervention ? - Obviously I know that they can have their genitals messed about with , and be given hormones but , after all that , should they really be regarded as being of the opposite gender to the one they were born as ?
A few men may think that being female is all about 'glamour'  ,  but I'm sure that any woman would disabuse them of   that .
I've heard of cases of 'gender re-assignment' having led to depression , and even of that having to be 'reversed' by  the NHS .
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Do blank cd or dvd discs weigh more after having had data written onto them ?
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Why do most young men , and some older men , some females and some so-called comedians seem to think that swearing is clever / funny / original ?
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Why do so many young people still seem to think that smoking is clever , impressive and cool ?

I was reading today about the under construction mosque in Oxford , due to open in nine months or so , and the plan to amplify the Iman's call to prayer through loudspeakers up to at least three times daily , despite most of Oxford's few thousand Muslims apparently not living very near to the mosque , though these plans are under review by the local council .
Certainly the British government , and local councils seem to go out of their way not to offend people of other religions / races / nationalities , especially Muslims , as evidenced by some councils having felt the need to 'tone down' Christmas celebrations despite , I'm sure , almost all UK muslims having no problem with it , and now , one labour minister choosing to refer to terrorism as 'anti-islamic activity' . Which depending how  you choose to interpret traditional arabic transcriptions of the Qu'aran , it might  be .
I can understand  those in power in this country thinking that because an ignorant  few of us may wrongly associate all muslims with terrorism they  have to 'bend over backwards' to avoid seeming prejudiced themselves .
But is'nt that , in a way , appeasing and therefore encouraging the Islamic terroristically inclined small minority , who pray for all of us to be forced to convert to their faith ?
As for 'integration' I know that many people of minority religions / cultures in britain integrate very well indeed and I do'nt really care that some do'nt , so long as they are not partaking in or plotting any 'anti-british activity' ,  so long as they are abiding by our laws and not carrying out 'honour' killings , mutilation of girls genitals etc . ,  so long as their communities are'nt 'no-go' area's to the rest of us , and as long as I could visit a mosque , or a  hindu or sikh temple or a synagogue ,  respectfully sitting at the back and observing , if I chose  to .
And I do'nt really 'integrate' much into my ( largely   white middle-class , most  past retirement age ) local community .
As far as I'm concerned 'people are people' , and unless there's any obvious moral or social reason to I do'nt care what people do ; In fact I'm somewhat fascinated by people of differing cultures , their lives and beliefs . And I've sat in pubs in Brixton 90% occupied by black people , which does'nt worry me in the slightest .
And I'd welcome mosques anywhere , so long as they are not promoting hate and dealing in extremist propagandist literature , which regrettably a few of them are , which I doubt  would be tolerated in the racially diverse USA , or even in many  Islamic countries
I detest racism as I'd define it , and one can understand muslims justifiably feeling that their 'sisters and brothers' are being downtrodden by Israel and by President George Warmonger Bush's bombing campaigns supported by our government , but loud 'christian' church - bells would not be tolerated in many islamic countries , and , unless in wholly muslim occupied area's I do'nt think that amplified calls to prayer from mosques should have to be heard by non-muslims here .

I'm listening to the discussion on Victoria Darbishire's R5 programme about John Hogan who was yesterday found innocent on grounds of diminished responsibility of his having thrown his son to his death then jumped off the balcony with his daughter during a family holiday in Crete last summer , and about wider issues of mental illness vs personal responsibility .
My first thought was that he could'nt have been so mentally ill to have been a working man and to have gone on the holiday .
Although as Marjorie Wallace of 'sane' pointed out John Hogan's two brothers both killed themselves and he has been struggling with  mental instability and panic-attacks for some time .
He had an argument with his wife , who was considering leaving him , in which she referred to his family as a " family of death " .
Then in a 'terrible state' he killed his son then tried to kill his daughter and himself .
A 'moment of madness' I can understand but I do'nt see how he could have truly loved his children , if in that moment he hated and wanted to punish his wife , by harming their children , more than he loved them or anybody .
I do'nt doubt that he does feel awful about what he did ; When he's released from psychiatric hospital in three years or so we'll see whether he kills himself or if he tries to build a new life for himself though what woman would trust him near her children I do'nt know .
I find it distasteful that he says that 'he' did'nt do it , effectively that he was momentarily 'taken over' by 'someone else' . . .
He also , puzzlingly blamed his actions on "an earthquake of psychosis" , which would seem to mean that he was completely out of touch with reality , which I seriously doubt . . .
I suppose I feel a little  sympathy for him though much more for his children and wife ; If he'd been tried in this country he'd have most likely been found guilty of manslaughter and been sentenced to some punishment as well as , hopefully , some psychiatric treatment .
But then , do'nt some women kill their children when they are apparently very depressed , and generally get treated sympathetically by the courts ?
It's a difficult ' moral minefield ' ,  no easy answers though there's no suggestion of paranoid delusions having impelled him to do what he did ; I accept that he's prone to depression and emotional instability but , as much as he no doubt regrets it I think that he committed what was essentially a vindictive , spiteful , angry ,   selfish and despicable  act  .
Trying to kill or harm himself is one thing , but do'nt you think that if he'd truly , deeply loved and cared for his children he would not , however desparate he was feeling , have tried to take them with him ?

Ash .
(click twice on play to listen).

" I Sometimes wish it was that Summer again . . . "

Amy Winehouse : I love her music , but . . .
What a prat , what an idiot , wilfully destroying herself with heroin , crack-cocaine , cocaine , valium , ketamine ,  alcohol . . .
It's much easier to understand someone who has almost nothing carrying on like that . . .
But someone with her talent and money . . .
What inner - demons drive her to such suicidal lunacy , who knows , though it's not as if she can't afford to have any treatment that might help .
Jane Moore of  'The Sun' , who admittedly are  selling papers on the back of AW's pitiful demise , writes that Amy should be sectioned under the mental-health act , as an obvious danger to herself  . . .
For Sure , but to section all addicts endangering themselves would be very expensive and is not going to happen .
And now , Australian born hollywood star Heath Ledger  dead fom a suspected drugs overdose ;
Will Amy be next ? - Sadly that'd be no surprise . . . Most exasperating and very sad , re. anyone , talented , famous or not . . .
F---ing drugs , F---ing drug addicts . . .
I wrote that last night while the news about Heath Ledger was still breaking - I accept that he was not a drug addict .

The ongoing inquest into the death of Diana , Princess of Wales , in 1997 ,  IS a waste of time and money because the unstable , irrational Mr . Fayed is the ringleader of the ' it was no accident ' camp .
He calls the tune , and his highly qualified and hugely expensive legal team march to it .
I do'nt like to be rude about a still grieving Father , but Mr . Fayed's simplistic ' Prince Philip ordered Diana and Dodi to be killed because she was pregnant with a  Muslim baby ' line , and his urbane spokesman Michael Cole's smug espousal of that are frankly hopeless and will convince only the most simple minded anti-british-establishment folk .
The inquest seems  so bogged down with silly , irrelevant  , oft-repeated tittle-tattle and to be largely ignoring the highly suspicious facts of the 'accident' so closely resembling a  known secret-service method of assassination disguised as accident , the obvious cover-up , the apparent murder of the probable driver of the mysterious white fiat uno , and so much more ...
The  sinister facts are out there  if you look for them . Including in well-researched books by Jon King and John Beveridge amongst  others .
I used to think , how can it have been anything other than an accident because how could any would-be assassins have known about the late change of plan regarding cars and drivers  ?
And that Henri-Paul's having been paid so generously by secret-services could'nt be relevant because , why would he accept money to commit simultaneous suicide and murder ?
I now believe that Henri Paul was being paid to keep intelligence-service operatives breifed on the Princess's movements allegedly so they could ensure her safety , and that he managed to make a quick   'phone call to someone just before they set off on the journey ; also he may have been told to take that particular route and  given a plausible sounding reason for that .
I believe that he'd had two drinks earlier and that he was over the British legal limit for driving , but we've all seen the footage of his elegantly squatting  to tie his shoelaces displaying no signs of drunkenness  , and  if he had have been noticeably drunk then Trevor Rees Jones and Kes Wingfield would not have agreed to his driving Dodi and the Princess .
I doubt that the length of time that the ambulance took to reach what was not the nearest hospital was part of any plot ; I think that can be explained by french medical guidelines .
And I think that the motives for an assassination would have been more complex than simply that she was an irritant to the british Monarchy and I'm not at all convinced that Prince Philip would have played as prominent a role - if any -  as Fayed is so convinced of .
We'll never know ?
Not all the facts , but reading enough well researched material can give one a fair  idea of what probably happened and why .
Obviously just a simple , tragic road accident caused by a drunk-driver ?
- Many now believe that , as will more after the inquest , when Fayed will dementedly rant on about Prince Philip again . .
All I ask is that before stating that categorically you take the trouble to research it more than just by following mainstream news reports .
I know many will disagree with me , or just think that : who knows , who cares , it's in the past , forget it , but I know what I think and I'll  use this space to express that  when I choose to . 
For me it's not about Diana's looks or glamour or charity work : I had little interest in her in her lifetime .
I love a good mystery and I hate the idea that there are shadowy forces operating 'above the law'  ... Just think of the faked suicide of Dr . David Kelly ...

I know that nearly all the photo's I post here are of my cat , and , well , he's a lot more photogenic than I am . . .
Not just 'cause he's a nice looking creature but also  he's relaxed , and , I tend to be a bit afraid of camera's , making  me look tense if photographed , therefore not at my best . .
In Saturday's paper a pic of the pilot and co-pilot of the 'crashed' BA plane , with cabin services director Sharon , who's I'm sure a nice looking lady  but in the photo' she looks terrified of the camera .
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I know that a few people on my friends list here are having a difficult time at the moment , as may be some others reading this ... I'll most likely never meet any of you but I do think of you and am concerned  . .
As I know that some of you have been about me , which means a lot to me , really . I'm okay . .
As I said to one of you if you ever feel  desparate and alone there's always (in the uk) 'The Samaritans' who are there 24 / 7 to confidentially chat with anyone who needs someone to talk to  , the number is 08457 90 90 90 .
And , any of my 'friends' here : Feel free to email me if you ever feel inclined to .
Life can be so damn painful and tough , but , manage to retain a sense of humour , to have confidence that things will get better , that your low mood will pass  . . .
I'm sometimes better at giving advice than following it  !
I may now go to bed and watch 'the sixth sense' , though I have the dvd , but , what a classy movie . . . Leo's now sitting on the floor watching it !

I'm now listening to Stephen Nolan's R5live phone in : He was just talking with a lady , I missed her name but she was talking about a piece she wrote in a newspaper , I did'nt catch which one , saying that though she approves of  equality between women and men she does'nt feel safe in the care of female doctors , pilots , political leaders etc. because she believes that men are genetically programmed to be protectors , and that women are  more emotional therefore less professionally trustworthy ...
She even cited Hillary Clinton having shed a tear during campaigning as evidence of the validity of her thesis .
I rarely  cry ,  I'm aware that some women feel  disturbed by men ever shedding any tears , and I've never been a silly ' big baby ' but if it was unnatural for men to ever cry then nature would'nt have given us that release-valve .
On the programme now they're talking about the 'Northern Rock' banking issue but if they return to the aforementioned subject later I'll listen if I'm awake , and , what do you feel about the gender issues raised by the woman's opinions that I just mentioned ?
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Are others finding this site particularly slow and unresponsive tonight , or is it just my archaic old 'windows xp' antique pc ?

" Tony Blair was accused of betrayal last night as he waded into the American Presidential campaign to support George Bush's Republican world view .
As the former PM recommended Mr Bush's policies to 400 millionairre bankers in Las Vegas , former ally Bill Clinton was campaigning in Nevada for his wife Hillary , who hopes to be the Democratic candidate for the White House and is an arch Bush critic .
In a move liable to be interpreted as a stab in the back for Hillary's campaign , Mr . Blair - who was paid £125,000 for his 35 minute speech - said ' George Bush is an amazingly strong and steady president ... which is what America and the world needs ' " ( from today's 'mail on sunday')

From time to time I read posts by young ladies on this site about their  'boyfriend problems' . I sometimes even offer advice , based on what life-experience and understanding of human nature I may have .
I've seldom seen posts from young men  about 'girlfriend problems' ; Maybe most males are less likely to want to talk about emotional matters , or  to recognise  any  relationship problems that may exist .
I longed for closeness with girls since even before my adolescence and during it I enjoyed a few quite innocently intimate moments with one girl .
I recall a solitary walk along part of the Grand Union Canal when encountering a pretty girl under a bridge , shyly asking her name , then confuddledly walking away after she enquired " what's it to you ? " !
At school I had spates of worshipping girls who knew little if anything about that . Then when skin-problems erupted I became shyer and more self conscious than I previously had been .
I had chances including when a girl in the class above mine invited me to dance with her at the one and only 'school disco' , which  I did though  I was always too shy to initiate any real relationship with girls  , despite yearning for that  .
In my later teens , and twenties  I became more isolated and unhappy , despite chances , from time to time , that I failed to capitalise on .
In my early 30's I met my  'ex-partner' , after responding to her 'pen-pal' ad' in a Cat magazine .
After our sex-life fizzled out due to ( a ) her being  significantly obese and ( b ) her never trying to initiate any sex between us I occasionally mentioned to others that I'd have liked to have had a casual discreet girlfriend but when I may have had  chances of  initiating that  I did nothing , I think more due to loyalty to Julie than to shyness and fear of rejection , though that too ..
When single after her leaving me , and still living in a city I  a couple of times a bit got to know women who were  alcoholics which  was never going to work , and when I seldomly had possible good chances of getting to know other women I again held back , hesitated , until it was too late .
As I've said before I'm  conscientious about not wanting to bother anybody and I tend to stay in , making the most of my own company and that of my  Mum (who I moved in here with nearly 14 months ago) and our cat .
A few days ago I registered with myholidaypartner.com  which appeared to be a completely free to use site for anyone who'd like to find someone to travel with : I sent short friendly messages to a few ladies , in England ,
on the site and checked today to discover that I have replies but that I'd have to pay £10 a month , or £30 for 6 months to read the messages - If I'd known that I'd have included my email address in my messages - and , not that I can't afford it but , oh , what's the point of establishing breif email contact with some woman who I know hardly anything about who lives nowhere near me only for her to break off the contact when she realises that I'm not in employment . (I could afford a nice holiday , would'nt go alone and if going with someone I'd of course at least pay my full fair share . )
Re. another post , some weeks ago , someone commented that maybe I somehow , consciously or subconsciously do'nt really want a 'partner' and I can only say that , whilst I'm afraid of being a nuisance and of being hurtfully rejected I'm very unaware of any unconscious wish to remain single .
In the C4 programme last month about the Venezuelan 'girlfriend experience' resort its English owner , Paul , said that at least most men who go there are around 30 years older than the young ladies who work there - not me , unless they are aged 15 which they are not  -  , very overweight - not me -  and have unpleasant 'personal hygiene' issues - not me -  , though I really do'nt think that  I could bring myself to travel that far to have a pretend-girlfriend for a week .
I can be very loving , caring and attentive and I'm not unfamiliar with the female anatomy or  giving pleasure , it's just that , I've got used to assuming that I'm unwanted , and that I probably have to try to ' make the most of ' that .
And I'm not on this site to try to find a girlfriend ,  it's just really nice to have friendly interactive contact with people here , and to to be able to write what I want , as personally as I want , knowing that someone will always read it .