So I'm wondering , should I venture to Thailand , where pretend-love is   ubiquitously and cheaply available ?
Not that I want to exploit , or be exploited by anyone , but I was reading that young women there , on account of it being a Buddhist country believe that making people happy brings them good fortune , in this life or the next .
And believe me or do'nt if I went there it would be more for friendly companionship , fun and tactile closeness than for any likelihood  of sex  , which I know is freely available there too , to the Western men who , I was reading that , many young ladies there see as their main 'support system' .
And I think I'm probably far less unattractive , and a much nicer person than are many of the men who travel there for that reason .
If I had plenty of money and a home of my own I'm sure I could find there a lady willing to marry me and move here ; I do'nt , so if I went it would have to just be to treat myself to an enjoyable , and hopefully confidence-building stay there .
Because I do'nt have the confidence to relaxedly approach people in pubs or bars in this country , especially not in this town .
In Thailand I would'nt need to , I'd be approached , and  I know  there are risks , for example of being drugged with rohypnol and having ones money stolen , but I'd endeavour to be on my guard and to take every sensible precaution .
But after getting to Heathrow , hanging about there then a very long 'economy'   flight   I'd probably feel exhausted when I finally got to the hotel , and then , just as I was starting to find my way around and enjoy myself it'd be time to come all the way back again ; maybe a mild sleeping tablet for the flight would help ..
Oh , and I forgot - The food , I can't take much if any spicy food , so another reason not to go ..
I do'nt know . . 
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People on this site are still discovering 'madam rhubarb's'  'blog , and saying 'can this person be for real ? '  ;   I was thinking it could be fun for a while to set up a 'spoof' 'blog somewhere , but then , psychologically , what might  pretending to be another character say about  whatever aspect of oneself that one was  drawn to finding expression for ?
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My cat , Leo , 14 months old , is  sleeping a lot more though he's  eating , washing , going out  , and  usually  purring when stroked so we think he's okay .

When I was a child my Mother instilled in me  : Never tell lies ...
Virtually every adult has at the very least told the occasional lie ..
My 'ex-partner' Julie's ex-husband was a compulsive liar , who did'nt believe in paying bills and who got them evicted from various places ..
Like anyone I have faults though I do'nt  count lack of truthfulness amongst them , although not that I'd normally take honesty into the realms of tactless  hurtfulness ..
Most people  tell lies as often as they deem necessary  , to oil the wheels of social intercourse  and to try to avoid awkward , unwanted situations without causing them .
And sometimes we do'nt reveal the truth when we probably rightfully should , or lie when we probably should'nt , for our own , selfless or selfish reasons .
My late Father once opined that the world would be a better place  if only we could all be straightforwardly truthful at all times .
An interesting notion , but surely too unrealistically idealistic to make for a harmonious society .
So the old chesnut : " Oh Yes Madam , I DO like your Hat ! " seems more justified than " I love only you " if that's not true , or " the cheque's in the post " if it is'nt , and is'nt likely to be .