In yesterday's 'Mail , some examples from 'Must Try Harder ! The very worst howlers by schoolchildren' , by Norman McGreevy , published by Constable at £5.99 ...
From children' s schoolwork :
Shakespeare married Anne Hathaway , but he mostly lived at Windsor with his merry wives . This is quite usual with actors .
Homer wrote The Oddity . Actually , Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that name .
The Dutch use water power to drive their windmills .
Joan of Arc was Noah's sister .
Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged twice for the same offence .
In the middle ages people lived in mud huts with rough mating on the floor .
Medieval people were violent . Murder during this period was nothing . Everybody killed somebody .
Al Chemy was a man who discovered chemistry .
To keep milk from turning sour : Keep it in the cow .
An octogenarian is an animal which has eight young at birth .
The largest mammals are to be found in the sea because there is nowhere else to put them .
The Jews were a proud people , but had trouble with unsympathetic genitals .
The Papal Bull was a mad bull kept by The Pope in the inquisition to trample on protestants .
Merchants appeared and roamed from town to town exposing themselves and organising big fairies in the countryside .
The Mona Lisa was the most beautiful woman ever to be laid on canvas .
A census taker is a man who goes from house to house increasing the population .
When not working in the Church , Bach composed pieces on a spinster in his home .
Stradivarius is an imaginary prehistoric animal .
Adolescence is the stage between puberty and adultery .
(So now you know !)